Road to Justice: Justice League of America TV Pilot

Justice League of America TV Pilot
Directed by: Félix Enríquez Alcalá
Starring: A bunch of schmucks
Released: 1997
Watched: December 17th, 2015

Thoughts Before: So, we got off track with this. I can't deny it any longer. It's been such a long stretch of shitty movies, and my friend's life has been rather hectic, so it's kind of been sliding back further and further. We're three weeks behind now, but we will make it up. The movies are going to start (mostly) getting better from here (I mean Catwoman is coming up still...) and things are smoothing out for him, it seems, so hopefully we can get this road back on track. Anyway, this couldn't be THAT bad.

Thoughts After: Oh god, it was so much worse than I thought possible. It's so painfully, horribly 90's in the worst ways possible. I don't even know how to describe beyond that. The characters are weak and "quirky" in that irritating 90's way, the writing was beyond sub par, the plot was ridiculous, a terrorist going by the title of Weather Man (idiot) is fucking with the weather and publicly announcing it each time and taunting the Justice League who keeps beating him. The most ridiculous part is that this is called Justice League of America but the team is based off fucking Justice League International. How fucking dumb can you get? Who made this? Who the fuck got these jackasses together and tarnished DC Comics with this schlock. I've never seen nor heard hide nor hair of any of these people involved and I base my hope for the human race on that. Do not bother watching. The most entertaining part is how Barry Allen looks like a regular dude, but in the Flash suit looks like a sad 40 year old dad who hasn't been getting much exercise. I can't think of a redeeming factor for this movie, other than it ends at some point. The Atom shrinks down at one point and LIMBO'S UNDER A LASER TRIP WIRE! Too 90's!

Bonus Round: I'm kind of cheating here, but while writing this you know what I did? Continuously hummed the theme song for the Justice League cartoon. If you haven't seen that GO WATCH IT. This doesn't even compare. This is parody porno levels of quality next to that cartoon. Justice League the cartoon is still the best introduction to the wider DC Universe, and I highly recommend it for both long time fans and people who are curious about the world as a whole. Sure, the New 52 has thrown a lot of that shit out now, but to me, and many others I reckon, that isn't the DC Universe worth giving a shit about. "My DC" is Crisis on Infinite Earths up until New 52, with smatterings of before and after. Hypertime is real, but even Hypertime will eat this show up and vomit it up. Not even Superboy Prime punching the walls of reality can undo this shit show of a... show. Ugh. Why, god, why?