Fangasm: Wicked Clown Bros. 2

Wicked Clown Bros 2 (Super Mario Bros 2 USA)
Platformer of the Dark Carnival
System: NES
Developer: Njachpmk
Year of Release: 2014
Played: November 18th, 2014
Download here

Oh my god, I cannot believe this day has come. I was browsing the website Romhacking.net as I do from time to time, and in new releases I stumbled upon Wicked Clown Bros. I stuttered an exasperated no as curiosity drove me to click onward. Sure enough, someone out there felt it necessary to paint various ICP references over Super Mario Bros 2 USA for whatever reason. Of course I downloaded it and immediately gave it a shot. I was already planning on doing a series focusing on romhacks of various kinds as they appeal to me on a myriad of levels, but we're starting this off proper with the créme de la créme. Ugh... I was shocked to find they did more than just paint Mario and Luigi up like juggalos.

Games I Beat: DK King of Swing

DK King of Swing
Puzzle/Platformer(?)
1 Player (with multiplayer minigames)
System: Gameboy Advance
Developer: Paon
Year of Release: 2005
Beaten: November 15th, 2014

Clu Clu Land was a launch title for the NES that seems to have gone ignored since those days. The game play was simple, you play Bubbles a thing of some sort that's goal is to traverse a room in hopes of unveiling secret tiles. As Bubbles you constantly propel forwards, your only means of control is to stick your arm out to the left or right and grabbing a pole. You spin around until letting go and then go flying in that direction. Enemies would attempt to stop your sinister pattern finding, which you'd need to avoid or find a temporary power up that let you paralyze them. Many people I've talked to felt the game was awkward to control, or worse not even very fun. There was an expanded port released for arcades called Vs. Clu Clu Land, which had more level, this in turn got ported to the Famicom Disk System as Clu Clu Land: Welcome to New CluClu Land, which was only released outside of Japan via the playable NES games you could find in Animal Crossing as the much more concisely named Clu Clu Land D. Aside from various small cameos (and being one of the games involved in the NES Remix series) Clu Clu Land and Bubbles haven't really been in the spotlight since the NES days.

Except that one time...

Game's I Beat: Arkista's Ring

Arkista's Ring
Action Shooter
1 Player
System: NES
Developer: American Sammy
Year of Release: 1990
Beaten: November 13th, 2014

There's this thing called the Retro Game Gauntlet that I've attempted many times, but never gotten through all the way. It's basically a site with a list of retro game systems, you click on whichever system and it will pick one game at random from the relevant library. The goal then is to play through a game for each system in a row. General rule of thumb is three days allowed per game, but really I just use it as an excuse to check out completely random games I might not have tried out otherwise, leading me to Arkista's Ring.

For those interested in the Gauntlet check here.

Games I Beat: Luftrausers

 Luftrausers
Arcade Shooter
1 Player
System: PSN
Developer: Vlambeer
Year of Release: 2014
Beat: November 4th, 2014

Playstation Plus is a hell of a service. Between the massive discounts and the several free games you get monthly I've gotten a ton of value from the service. November 2014's release schedule is odd for me. On the one hand, Binding of Isaac Rebirth is released for free on fucking launch day. On the other hand, I lack a Vita or a PS4 to play it on. Depression quickly set in as I looked to my now ancient computer surely unable to handle the PC release. Sulking I went ahead and claimed my PS+ titles (even without the systems you can "buy" the free games and download them whenever you do get the systems) and see Luftrausers, a game that had a nice aesthetic look and I was mildly interested in it. Jaded by time, I didn't let hope set in but I booted the game up. It didn't play anything like I expected, the controls were weird, I died basically instantly and it seemed like there was no progression. I hated it. I almost deleted it on the spot. Then I kept playing, and I saw the light.

It doesn't fill that Binding of Isaac shaped hole in my heart though...

Games I Beat: Star Fox Command

Star Fox Command
All-Range Shooter
1-4 Players
System: Nintendo DS
Developer: Q-Games
Year of Release: 2006
Beat: November 4th, 2014

Before anything else, a tangent. Ever since Star Fox Adventures came out every fan of the first two Star Fox games have complained it was a betrayal to the series, something they'd label most future games with. I just want to take a moment to claim that's bullshit. True, Star Fox was originally an on-rails shooting game, and that 64 took and refined that concept immensely. Two games shouldn't (and don't) restrict a game series to be any one thing. I can't help but disregard comments claiming other games in the series are bad due to not following in the footsteps of their predecessors. If you want to talk about why they're bad because of the games' actual short comings that's fine and fair, I might even agree. But to just write off a game because it doesn't fall in line with exactly what you want is just ridiculous. I apologize because I don't know where Command falls in all of this, but this has annoyed me for a while now.

Games I Beat: Donkey Kong '94

Donkey Kong '94
Platformer
1 Player
System: Nintendo Gameboy
Developer: Nintendo EAD
Year of Release: 1994
Beat: November 7th, 2014

I'm sure you've all heard the story, you know. That one time a couple decades ago when Mario's girl got kidnapped by the big ape Donkey Kong. Poor Pauline never saw it coming. I know you know what the newspapers told us. He grabbed her when they were out and in an incredible show of bravery Mario gave chase through a construction site to get his gal back. There's some variation, a couple people claim at one point the chase took them through a pie factory for some odd reason, but at the end of the day after Mario chased DK to the top of that unfinished building he managed to trick him into falling and the zoo came and took him back home. But that isn't exactly what happened... Submitted for the approval of the It It A Title Society. The Tale of Donkey Kong '94...

Games I Beat: Super Smash Bros.

Super Smash Bros.
Party Fighting
1-4 Players
System: Nintendo 64
Developer: Hal Labs
Year of Release: 1998
Beat: October 14th, 2014

Super Smash Bros. Super Fucking Smash Bros. Am I even ending these sentences? What can be said about this game at this point? I mean really.

There was no introduction more appropriate than that.